Finding Him
by Kagedtiger
Summary: (Formerly "Someday Out of the Blue.") After they get back to Spain, Tulio is surprised to find himself abandoned by the people who he loves most. Inspired by, but not really based on the song by Elton John. *Slash* *Completed*
1. Prologue A Legend

Finding Him   
Prologue - A Legend 

  


  
** ---------------------------------  
Notes: "Road to El Dorado" belongs to Dreamworks, and the title song that this fic was inspired by was written by Elton John. Since I own neither Dreamworks, nor Elton John, I make no claim to the movie or song. I'm just borrowing them. I'm promise I'll return them... nearly as stable as when I found them.  
--------------------------------- **

  


  


As the dawn broke, the new high priest stepped up to the cliff ledge above the great portal to the Spirit World. Below him, the assembled crowd cheered him. He turned back to face the figure of the Chief, who nodded for him to begin. 

The priest raised his hands and his audience fell silent. Taking a deep breath, he began to recite the scriptures of El Dorado. The new legends. 

"At the dawning of the Age of the Jaguar," he boomed, "the two Gods, creators of our world, visited the city of El Dorado. They came astride The Great Beast, protector of the natural world around us, Altivo. 

First came Lord Tulio, the wise. Tulio is the master of all that is logical, of our routines and customs. It is He who protects what we have, and what we hold dear. 

And with him came Lord Miguel, the kind-hearted. Miguel is the playful spirit who reminds us that we must always remain light-hearted. He is the forger of the new, and the exciting. 

Together they brought the dawning of the Age of the Jaguar. What was once predicted to be an Age of blood and sacrifice was decreed to be one of peace and prosperity. The Gods no longer demanded our blood for their happiness. They came to smite he who spoke lies of them. He who presumed to be their priest and know their desires was told to step down, leaving the Gods to speak for themselves. And speak they did. 

The great God Miguel spoke unto us all that there would be no more sacrifice. In his anger, the high priest attempted to use black demon magic to destroy the Gods, but they banished him to the Spirit World. 

But the fighting had created a rift between the two Gods. While Lord Tulio knew that they must soon ascend to the Great Beyond, Lord Miguel desired to stay with the people. Their divine partnership broken, Tulio decided that He would leave without Miguel and ascend alone, with only the ferry girl for company. 

But because of his dark magic, the high priest was banished to the World Below when he crossed over. Driven by revenge, he gathered many demon followers and lured them to El Dorado with the promise of gold and blood. Knowing that they had to save the city from the evil invaders, the God Tulio formed a plan to keep them out of the city forever. 

Using the ship that had been constructed for the God's ascension, He would destroy the gateway to El Dorado, the sacrifice of the gold on board magically sealing the entrance so that nothing could pass into or out of the city. 

But as he was leaving, the ship, created by humans and thus capable of human error, did not work as it was supposed to. The sail would not open. It looked as though the plan would fail and our city would be doomed forever. 

Then, as it looked like nothing would save us, the great Lord Miguel jumped astride the Beast Altivo and rode out to the boat. As they lept from the bank, Lord Miguel began slightly to abandon his physical form and soared through the air toward the boat. As he landed he grabbed the sail and pulled it open, allowing the boat to follow its intended course and seal away the entrance to El Dorado forever. 

We should not dare to venture beyond that seal, or to destroy it. For if we do, the legions led by the priest would overrun the city, and it would be cast into darkness. 

So through Lord Tulio's cunning and Lord Miguel's selflessness, our world was saved. The two partners were reunited, and ascended back to the World Beyond to watch over us once more." 

As the high priest finished, the crowd once again burst into wild applause and cheering. In the background, Chief Tani smiled to himself. He knew the real reason why Miguel had left. It was, in fact, quite obvious; he was in love with Tulio. But that wouldn't do for the holy writings. So he kept it to himself, and just smiled. 

  


  


  


  


- Next Chapter -

  


  
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author. 


	2. Chapter 1 Dealing with Rejection

Finding Him   
Chapter 1 - Dealing with Rejection 

  


  


Tulio sometimes wondered if Chel had stayed with him as long as she had out of pity, or if that perhaps was the reason she had left him in the first place. Not that it mattered. He hadn't been the same since Miguel left, and she could see that. 

Against all odds, they had managed to find passage on another boat, this one headed back for Spain. The entire trip, however, Miguel had gotten increasingly quiet and withdrawn. They had both noticed it, but whenever they had tried to talk to him, he always smiled and told them everything was alright. 

Chel had apparently overheard him telling something to Altivo, but she had refused to tell him what it was, saying that it was Miguel's private matter, and that Tulio really didn't want to know. Tulio was pretty sure that wasn't true, but no amount of coaxing could get it out of her. In the end, all he learned was that whatever she had overheard was most likely the reason for Miguel's uncharacteristic somberness. 

It had apparently come to a head when they reached Spain, however. To celebrate, they had bought actual rooms in a nearby inn, and had a hearty supper. Miguel said almost nothing the entire meal, until the very end. Then he stood up, and looked from Tulio to Chel. "I hope you two will be very happy together," he had murmured. Then he left for their room upstairs. He was asleep when they finally joined him, and neither had the heart to wake him up and ask him to explain his comment. When they woke up in the morning he, as well as all traces of his existance, were gone. 

Chel had stayed for about a month. It could have been loyalty, or maybe pity after all, but it was obvious she had become distracted. In their home land, it was no longer Tulio who was the strange exotic one, but her. She was getting male attention from every side, both wanted and unwanted. And after Miguel had disappeared, Tulio seemed to have lost that spark that kept him going. 

So she had left as well, though not as suddenly as Miguel had. They had stood, embracing, while Chel tried to explain why she had to leave. All of it went right past Tulio, but he had expected it. It was, after all, only a matter of time before she would seek out the adventures of Spain for herself. 

It had been different, after they left. At least when Chel was around she had been able to keep him out of trouble. Now there seemed to be no point to it any more. The cons were all bland, and not very well-thought-out. He hadn't been caught yet, but all his escapes had been closer calls than ever before. He rarely got clean away with anything any more. It was only a matter of time, he thought, before they finally captured him. He almost welcomed it. 

A while ago -what was it? About three weeks now?- he had seen Miguel's face on a wanted poster in the local town square. He had stopped to look at it for a long moment. Apparently they had upped the reward for his capture. He hadn't bothered to check what his own was. 

Currently Tulio sat on a bar stool in one of the many dingy taverns in the area. The common room was small, consisting only of a bar and about half a dozen tables arranged in front of the large hearth. The beer was watery, and the tables were dirty, but the fire was warm and no one was chasing him, so he was content. 

Tulio spent a little more of his dwindling money supply on another mug of horrible beer and downed it quickly. He didn't really taste it any more anyway, and it was as good as anything for getting drunk with. 

The barkeep -a huge man with a grease-spattered apron and very little hair- looked at him pityingly. "What's happened to you that's got you so down, friend?" 

Tulio stared gloomily into his mug, contemplating the weary, un-shaven face that stared back at him. "Nothing much. Simply the two people I loved most in this world have gone and left me, that's all." 

"What did you do?" asked the barkeep. "It must have been pretty bad if you loved them that much." 

Tulio frowned at him. He was a little drunk, but he was pretty sure the barkeep had missed something or other. "What makes you think that it was me that did something?" he asked defensively. 

"Listen." The barkeep pulled a stool up to his side of the bar and sat down, leaning in so that he could speak to Tulio without anyone overhearing. "In my experience, if someone leaves you, it's usually their fault. If two people leave you, then it's something you did. Now think about it. Is there any reason that they both might be mad at you?" 

Tulio wasn't sure that he really wanted to be talking to this guy, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to leave. Too lazy, he supposed. "I think the second one may have left because I was moping over the first." 

"Ah," said the barkeep. "So this first one, she's the one you love more then?" 

Tulio blinked again. The beer must have been going to his head. He thought for sure he'd heard... "What makes you say that?" 

"Well, if you'd loved this second girl more, it seems to me that she would have been able to pull you out of this funk you're in. Of course, that's just my opinion, but I've seen cases like yours before. Any chance you might be able to find one or both of them?" 

Tulio shook his head. "They're both long gone. Even if they weren't, I doubt they'd talk to me. Chel... well, she never really wanted to be with me as much as she thought, I think. And... the first..." he sighed. "I really don't know what happened there. Things were going so well, I thought..." 

"Well look," said the barkeep, "why don't you tell me what happened, and I'll try to figure it out for you. Sometimes a third party perspective is the best thing, you know?" 

Tulio nodded and put his beer down on the counter. "I really thought everything was worked out. We were in another city and had a fight, and I thought I'd be leaving alone. But we got over that. We left the city, and we had made up. We were partners again, and we were going to come back to Spain. I was going to be with Chel, and the three of us would have a good life together once we got to Spain. But... we didn't talk much the entire way back, and it didn't take long after we had arrived before Chel and I were alone. Just the two of us. It bothers me because... well... we had promised that we were going to be partners. Always. We shook on it." 

_We shook on our mutual non-involvement with Chel, too_ came the guilty thought in the back of his head. He drank some more of his beer. 

The barkeep smiled. "The answer my friend, is quite obvious." 

"It is?" Tulio looked up at him. 

"Of course! If you weren't involved, I'm sure you'd spot it right away. It's obvious that this first chick, this partner of yours was in love with you. And probably insanely jealous of your new girlfriend... Chel, was it? She couldn't stand to see you two together, knowing that she couldn't be with you, so she left." 

Tulio blinked. That didn't sound like Miguel. Well, most of it did, but Miguel wasn't in love with him. 

Was he? 

  


  


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Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author. 


	3. Chapter 2 Wishing for Yesterday

Finding Him   
Chapter 2 - Wishing For Yesterday 

  


  


Miguel wandered unhappily through the city streets. He wasn't really moping, per se, but close enough that any outside observer wouldn't be able to tell the difference. He was depressed. He'd been depressed for a while now. As a matter of fact, he mused, he'd pretty much been depressed since he'd walked in on Tulio and Chel kissing. 

The daring escape had helped. It had made him feel wanted and needed again, for a while. Once they got into the jungle however, things changed. Tulio and Chel apparently found nothing wrong with making out right in front of him, or sneaking off whenever they pleased into the depths of the jungle to do more than just make out. 

It hurt. Miguel did his best to make sure that they didn't notice him in pain, though. He saved all his moping for the times when he was alone, saved the crying for late at night when the others were sleeping. Often he confided in Altivo, as the horse was a sympathetic listener and rarely made disparaging comments. Of course Altivo was a horse, but that didn't make him less human in Miguel's eyes. 

They had sat on the deck of the boat one evening after Tulio and Chel had disappeared together again, just looking at the stars. Altivo had the wonderful tendency to lie on his side and let Miguel use his belly as a pillow. A tendency which Miguel almost always took advantage of. This particular night they were calmly pondering the mysteries of the universe when the sound effects from downstairs reached them. Miguel closed his eyes and wished fervently that there was a convenient way of shutting out the sound of two people having sex, but no such luck. Instead he buried his head in Altivo's mane and sobbed quietly, trying his hardest not to think about it. Not to think about how Chel could touch Tulio, kiss him, love him, but Miguel couldn't. Tried not to think about how he had wasted his chance by never telling Tulio exactly how he felt. And now it was too late. 

As the noise died off, so did Miguel's crying. He sniffled a bit, and absently fingered a bit of the horse's mane. 

"Altivo," he said quietly, "it's not fair. Why does she get to be the one? Why couldn't it be me?" 

The horse turned his head from his contemplation of the stars and humanity in general to give Miguel a long, searching look. He snorted. 

Miguel frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?" 

Altivo whinnied softly, and nudged Miguel's head lightly with his snout. 

Miguel took hold of the proffered muzzle and clung to it like a lifeline. After a moment, he began to whisper quietly to his pet. 

"You're right you know," he said. "I had all that time. I had years and years to tell him how I felt, and yet I didn't. I had so much wasted opportunity. If... if I had told him sooner, then maybe it could have been me. But... Dammit!" Suddenly Miguel exploded. "It's not fair! Even if I hesitated. He may be in love with her, but she doesn't care as much about him. You can see it in her eyes, the way she looks at him. She doesn't love him as much as I do. *I* love him! I need him more than she does. I... I'm such a fool." 

Miguel trailed off and put his head in his hands. "But he does love her, doesn't he? And as long as he's happy, that's all that matters." He took a long, shuddering breath. "I'll leave. It's all I can do. I'll leave them alone to let them settle their own affairs. He'll be happy with her, and he can get over me disappearing. But I can't stay while they're together. It would just be..." He sighed heavily and took his fingers out of Altivo's mane. He was surprised to see that his palms were clammy from clenching and unclenching his fist around the horse's hair. "I'm dying inside, Altivo," he whispered. "Every time I see them kiss, every time I see that horribly melting look he gives her, I die a little bit. It's like... like he owns me, and he doesn't realize it. And I can't live like that. I can't let him control me. I can't sit there every day and wish that it was me. I need to live again. And the only way to do that is distance." 

He nodded heavily, apparently deciding something. "You'll come with me, won't you Altivo?" 

The horse nickered and nodded, always happy to follow Miguel. 

"Thank you. Thank you Altivo, at least you'll stick by me." 

And now he was walking the streets, leading the tired-looking former war-horse behind him. They hadn't had much to eat, and though Altivo wasn't really complaining, Miguel could tell that hunger was taking its toll. They had been off their game recently. They'd pulled a scam big enough to make a lot of money a little while ago, but it had been extremely foolish and not well-planned out at all. It was only because of Altivo's speed and Miguel's sheer dumb luck that they escaped at all. It was their fortune that they had been able to take most of the money with them, but it had caused the reward for their heads to be upped a notch, and that was never good. 

The two weary travelers made it to a hay bale at the end of an alleyway. It wasn't exactly a hotel suite, but it was shady and almost comfortable. They'd seen worse far too often. They plopped down gratefully on the straw, and Altivo took a moment to munch some of it. 

After a moment of quiet, Miguel said thoughtfully, "You know Altivo, it's strange." 

The horse looked up, his jaw still working the dried grass. The question 'what is?' was as apparent as if he had spoken. 

"I ran away from him so that I wouldn't die. So that there might be a part of me that he didn't control, that couldn't hurt me. And yet all I've succeeded in doing is discovering that he's always owned me. All of me. Heart. Body. Mind. Soul. They've all always belonged to him. And I could never change that, even if I wanted to." 

Altivo looked thoughtful, then stood up. Miguel blinked up at him, confused. "What? What is it?" 

The horse whinnied and tossed his head, motioning for Miguel to mount up. After a startled moment, Miguel stepped on one of the hay bales and sat lightly on Altivo's back. "Where are we going?" he asked with a hint of suspicion. 

Altivo didn't answer, but instead took off so fast that Miguel had to grip his mane to keep from falling off. He sighed and let Altivo carry him. The horse occasionally got strange ideas into his head, and it was always best to just let him act out those ideas. Otherwise he got cranky, and that was never a good thing. A cranky Altivo was likely to take a bite out of you. 

When he had gotten enough of a hold to look at his surroundings, he saw that they were running through town. Specifically, they were running to the marketplace. 

"Whoa, Altivo!" Miguel called, and was incredibly surprised to find that the horse listened to him and stopped. 

Looking around, Miguel couldn't fathom why Altivo had brought him here. That is, until he saw a certain familiar head of raven-colored hair that seemed to notice him in the same instant. 

"Miguel?" Tulio looked as if he couldn't possibly believe what he was seeing. The other man was about twelve feet away from him, and after a moment, started forward. 

Miguel panicked. He had left for a reason, dammit! He was not going to let himself be hurt all over again. Why should he? 

He jumped off the horse and took off. After a few startled oaths, he heard the sound of pursuit behind him. He dodged into a side alley and threw himself over the wall at the far end. Not waiting to see whether Tulio saw the dodge, he barreled out the other end and turned left. 

And ran right into Tulio. 

  


  


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Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
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	4. Chapter 3 Old Wounds

Finding Him   
Chapter 3 - Old Wounds 

  


  


Tulio grabbed Miguel's arms to prevent his escape, and half led, half dragged the golden-haired one back into the alley. When he had made sure that they were alone, he released one hand and stared at Miguel for a moment. He was frankly awestruck and dumbfounded. 

"What are you doing here?" he managed eventually. 

"Let go of me," Miguel hissed, pulling his other arm from Tulio's grasp. 

Tulio backed away a step. There was something in Miguel's eyes that hadn't been there before. A kind of fierce pain that only seemed to get worse when he looked at Tulio. It nearly broke the other man's heart to see his friend like this. What could have happened to him? Why was he so angry? 

"Miguel?" he tried. "Are you okay?" 

"No." Miguel's voice was a strangled whisper. "No, I am most definitely not okay." 

"Why not?" Tulio asked hesitantly. He was afraid that if he so much as breathed the wrong way, Miguel would vanish again. "What's wrong?" 

Miguel shook his head, not meeting Tulio's eyes. "You don't get it. You never got it before, and you still don't, damn you." 

"Miguel are you..." Tulio took a deep breath. "Are you in love with me?" 

Miguel's head snapped up and Tulio saw something in his eyes, a kind of fierce longing and intense sadness. And love. There was definitely love in that gaze. 

But it was gone in an instant. Miguel's eyes turned dark and angry once again. 

"So you finally figured it out. Did you work it out all on your own? Or did Chel help you with it?" Miguel's voice was bitter. "You couldn't have maybe realized that before you went chasing after that damned girl? Before you broke a vow that you had made me give that you wouldn't touch her? Before you destroyed my life just because you were too dense to notice how much you were hurting me? Before you broke my heart?" 

"So that's a 'yes' then?" Tulio asked, ignoring Miguel's anger. 

Miguel seemed to sag, the energy as well as the anger draining from him so quickly that it almost seemed it had never been there. "Yes," he replied quietly. "I've loved you for, God, years. Years and years. And I was so afraid to tell you. I had no idea how you'd react and... and our friendship was so important to me." 

"Then why did you run away?" Tulio questioned him. 

"You. You and Chel." Miguel seemed to choke, and quickly looked away. When he next spoke, his voice sounded tightly controlled, and Tulio wondered if he was holding back tears. "You two were so in love. Well, I should rephrase that. You were so in love with her. And it hurt. It hurt so much for me to watch you. To pretend that I didn't care. I thought... if I left, then you two could be happy together and that maybe it wouldn't be as bad if I didn't have to watch." 

"And was it?" 

Miguel shook his head. "It was almost worse because I couldn't see you. I didn't know whether you were happy, and if you weren't there was no way that I could help you. I didn't know if Chel would take care of you. Or if she even cared at all." 

"I don't think she did." 

Miguel looked quickly at Tulio in surprise, and Tulio saw that he had indeed been holding back tears. It showed on his face. 

"She left you know," Tulio continued. "After you left it just wasn't the same. I couldn't cope with things. She told me that she couldn't handle my depression, that she didn't want to be responsible for pulling me out of all the screw-ups I was getting myself into. She wasn't harsh about it, just... sad. I think she felt pity for me. But she left. No doubt to seek her own adventure." 

Miguel didn't say anything for so long that Tulio began to worry. He was finally about to break the silence when Miguel said quietly, "I have no right to ask anything of you." 

"Maybe, maybe not," Tulio replied. "It all depends on what you're asking, I think." 

Miguel took a deep shuddering breath and looked up at Tulio, finally meeting his gaze. "Would you stay with me? I mean, work with me again. I can't do it without you. You know me, I'm not a planner. It's not the same if we're not... partners." 

"You're right, it's not." Tulio sighed in relief. "Actually, I was about to ask you the same thing. It's not the same for me either. I can't pull things off the way you do. I don't have your luck, your charm." 

Miguel muttered something about plenty of charm, but Tulio chose to ignore it. "Well?" he asked, offering his hand to Miguel to shake. 

Miguel smiled for once like he used to, and it seemed to Tulio as though it lit up the entire world. 

  


  


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Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author. 


	5. Chapter 4 Midnight Revelations

Finding Him   
Chapter 4 - Midnight Revelations 

  


  


The next week passed relatively quickly for both of them. Now that he was back with Miguel, it seemed inexplicably easier for Tulio to come up with plans. Miguel, for his part, was never far behind, always finding a way to pull them out of the trouble they got themselves into. For a while it was just like old times. 

After the third successful con of the week, the two men were feeling understandably elated. They rented a hotel room for the night to celebrate, as they had when they first returned from El Dorado. After seeing that Altivo was safely put up in the stables, they spent the evening in the common room, boasting about nothing in particular. Eventually their boasting got them into an arm-wrestling match (which they lost) and from there it led directly to a fight. When they finally crept upstairs to their room, the entire common room was involved in a noisy violent brawl. No one noticed the absence of the two who had started it. 

They reached the room still laughing at their escapade, and Tulio opened the door for Miguel, gesturing theatrically. "After you, Good Sir," he intoned. 

"Oh no, after you," Miguel said in his best mock-serious tone, also gesturing. 

"Oh, I insist," Tulio countered. 

"No no no no no, *I* insist," Miguel replied. 

They both grinned. 

"Together?" Tulio asked. 

"Together!" Miguel agreed. They linked arms and walked side-by-side through the open door.* 

Upon entering, Miguel automatically took stock of the room. Window - second story, so maybe not a good idea to jump out of except as a last resort. Simple wooden floor, possibly with loose boards. Have to remember to check under them before we leave. Plain dresser, won't need it since we're only here one night. Bed... 

The bed. Miguel froze. There was only one bed. Tulio obviously thought nothing of it. Miguel knew that he shouldn't either; after all, they had shared beds in the past. But this was... different. It was hard to explain why, but Miguel knew that he couldn't just brush it off and climb into bed next to Tulio. The dark-haired man obviously didn't even consider this a problem, as he was already changing for bed, leaving his long shirt on. 

Miguel gulped. Looking around wildly, he noticed a chair by the door that he hadn't seen before. A small idea began to work itself into his head. If he could just find an excuse to stay up past the time that Tulio did, then he could sleep sitting in the chair or even on the floor. It might be uncomfortable, but he'd seen worse. Anything was better than knowing that Tulio was there, less that a foot away and yet untouchable. 

Well, there was no help for it. Tulio was already sliding under the sheets. He blinked over at Miguel. "Hey, aren't you going to go to bed?" 

"I-I will," Miguel stuttered. "I just... umm... I'm not tired at the moment. I think I'll stay up for a bit." 

"Suit yourself," Tulio said amiably. "But it's not my fault if I sprawl out and take up too much room because I'm the only one in the bed." 

Miguel nodded weakly, walking over to the dresser and snuffing the lamp that rested on its surface. As Tulio settled into bed, Miguel went to the door and sat in the chair. 

It didn't take as long as he'd thought it would before Tulio's breath evened out and he started to snore lightly. Miguel picked up the chair and quietly brought it to the bedside. 

Tulio hadn't been joking about sprawling out; he was pretty much spread-eagled on the bed, taking up more room than any one person had a right to, much like a cat. 

Hesitantly, Miguel reached out and smoothed a lock of hair from Tulio's forehead. He froze as Tulio mumbled something in his sleep and turned over, his back now facing Miguel. 

Miguel breathed a sigh of relief as the even breathing returned, minus the snoring this time. He withdrew his hand, clenching it into a fist in his lap. 

"You know," he said quietly, unsure at first of whether he was talking to himself or the sleeping Tulio, "it's not working." 

"I'm trying," he went on. "I really am. I told myself, when we found each other again, that I could forget about my love for you. I thought that I could do anything, as long as I still had my friendship with you. I thought the same thing when we escaped from El Dorado. It seems both times that I was just kidding myself. 

"It's not easy though! Really. I mean, love isn't just something you can ignore. I wish it was. Things would be so much easier if I could just be your friend, your partner. Shouldn't that be enough? It should, shouldn't it. But it's not, not for me. I'm greedy. I want to be your lover, too. Sad, isn't it?" He let out a humorless chuckle. "I'm so pathetic. I said that I left for a reason, but I didn't know what it even was. I stayed because it seemed like a better idea, and yet it still hurts me. It's not as though I want to be in pain. If there were some way to make it all go away. ...I could commit suicide, but that would just make you depressed, and probably guilty. I don't want to give you that kind of guilt. I could disappear again, but I already know that that doesn't work. There's no solution, is there? I'm just doomed to be in pain for the rest of my life. It's your fault you know. But I don't blame you for it. You can't help being wonderful, and even if you could, I wouldn't want you to." 

He heaved a deep sigh, shaking his head regretfully. "You really have no idea how perfect you really are, do you? How beautiful you are, how handsome. And then there's me. A stupid misfit whose only skill is Sheer Dumb Luck. There's no way that I could ever survive without you. I don't know why I thought I could. I'm a pitiful excuse for a human being. It's only because of you that I thought... well, I thought that maybe you saw something in me. Maybe if you thought that I was worthy of being your partner, then maybe I really was. But of course I was no match when someone like Chel came along. She was just like you. Beautiful, intelligent, clever. And she liked you. Maybe not loved you, but really liked you. And more than that, you were in love with her too. And if being your partner made me worthy, what did having your love mean for her? She was obviously a much better person than I, so why shouldn't you two be together? Why not be the perfect Wonder Couple. It would never work with me. 

"I never had a chance to begin with. She's a woman, I'm a man. You don't like men, do you? Not that way. Chel has those curves that I'm sure you always admired so much. Not that there's anything wrong with a woman's curves. I like women too. They're just... not you. It wouldn't matter to me if you were a girl, it doesn't matter to me that you're not. It just matters that I have a chance to be near you. Even though I'll never really have a chance to love you." 

Miguel fell silent. He realized that he did this far too often; midnight soliloquies just to release some of the tension in his heart. It was kind of pathetic, he knew, but the only way he could think of to get out some emotion before he went into meltdown. And it worked to some extent. He could put on a happy face every day and no one knew the difference. That was the point after all. 

He stood up suddenly. Walking over to the dresser, he found an extra blanket in one of the drawers, and kidnapped the other pillow from the bed. Moving the chair, he decided on the floor and arranged a pallet for himself. He lay down and in moments he had drifted off. 

In the bed, Tulio closed his eyes as a single tear managed to find its way down his cheek. It was quite a while before he managed to fall back to sleep. 

  


  


* - Yes, it was a very wide door. ...Shut up. 

  


  


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Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
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	6. Chapter 5 Face from the Past

Finding Him   
Chapter 5 - Face From The Past 

  


  


When Tulio awoke the next morning, he found Miguel already wide awake and dressed. 

"Good morning!" Miguel chirped brightly, with no hint of the melancholy he had showed last night. "Sleep well?" 

Tulio mumbled something incoherent and sat up. "What time is it?" he asked blearily. 

"Almost noon," Miguel replied. "Now come on. I've already had breakfast and I heard the most interesting thing down in the common room." 

"They're not still mad at us about last night, are they?" Tulio asked worriedly. 

"Last night... oh! Of course not, Phil sees much worse all the time." Miguel waved his hand in a gesture to forget about it. 

"Phil?" Tulio questioned. 

Miguel looked at him. "The innkeep," he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

"Right, right." Tulio didn't bother to question how on earth Miguel happened to be on a first-name basis with the innkeeper. Miguel was always doing things like that. He had this charm that made everyone like him immediately and forgive him anything. It was really what made him a successful con artist. Instead Tulio toppled out of bed and moved to get dressed. His dexterity never being the best first thing after waking up, it was slow going. "So what was this interesting thing you heard?" he asked Miguel. 

"Oh yes, right. Well, I was talking to Phil and the gang, and they were saying how there's this brilliant storyteller in town. Apparently she tells tales of adventure and far-off lands." Miguel's eyes positively shone. 

Tulio began to get a sinking feeling. "Haven't we had enough of adventures and far-off places to last one lifetime?" he asked. 

"Tulio!" Miguel reprimanded him, "You can never have enough adventure!" 

"I was afraid you were going to say that," Tulio mumbled, hoping that Miguel didn't hear him. As reluctant as he always pretended to be about these things, he really didn't mind Miguel's adventures all that much. It kept their lives interesting and more importantly kept Miguel happy. Miguel had this horrible way of making Tulio feel like the sun had gone out and it was all Tulio's fault when he was unhappy. 

"Anyway," Miguel became impatient again, "Come on! Let's go!" 

Tulio obligingly hurried, fastening his belt and running a hand through his hair in lieu of brushing it. "Alright, alright. Come on, let's go." 

They walked out the door, Miguel bouncing and fidgeting like an excited child. Tulio couldn't help but smile at his partner's antics. "Did you remember to find out where she is today?" he asked dryly. 

Miguel nodded so vehemently that Tulio thought his head might come off. "Of course! She'll be right off the market today, in a tent with turquoise and gold stripes." 

Tulio nodded absently. The mentioned color scheme had sent a startling pang through his chest. Turquoise and gold. Those were the colors that Chel had always worn, that looked the best on her. He realized with a guilty start that he had hardly thought about the girl all week. His joy at having Miguel back had momentarily eclipsed the horrible guilt of driving her off. 

As they walked towards the market, he tried to stop and analyze exactly what he felt. He was still in love with Chel, he thought. That had never really gone away. Miguel had been right when he had said that they were perfect for each other. She was all he could ever ask for, so like him that it was scary. And yet... maybe they were too much alike. Maybe there really hadn't been anything dynamic enough between them. Maybe they were too similar, and were simply brought together by their craving of the same thing. But that wasn't entirely true, he thought, frowning. She wasn't exactly like him. There were many elements of her that were more like Miguel. Her sense of adventure, for one thing. Her beautiful smile. The way she always seemed to be able to find the best in a situation. The way he always seemed to be pulling Tulio out of trouble. 

Wait a minute. ...He? He had been thinking about Chel, right? Certainly, comparing her to Miguel and... what? He felt as though he were just on the edge of a major breakthrough of some sort, if he could just reach a little further- 

"-io? Earth to Tulio! Come in Tulio!" 

"What?" Tulio snapped back to the real world to find Miguel waving a hand in front of his face. Startled, he looked around and saw that they had already reached the market. Through the forest of tent poles and the press of bodies, he could just make out the coloring of the tent that Miguel had described. 

Miguel smiled and grabbed his arm. "Come on!" he urged, pulling his partner through the crowd. 

When they reached the tent, they were just in time to see a small group of people exit through the flap, one man was laughing uproariously, and everyone else was split between smiles and looks of wonder. In spite of himself, Tulio found his curiosity piqued. 

They lifted the flap and went in, Miguel going first. Allowing the flap to drop behind him, Tulio considered the atmosphere. It was dim, though light did shine in through the thinner golden stripes in the tent. The floor was covered in cushions so thickly that one had no idea what the real floor of the tent looked like. Everything was done in the same color scheme, turquoise with golden borders. Sniffing the air, he found that there must be an incense of some sort, along with a perfume that was oddly familiar. 

He stepped forward only to bump into Miguel from behind. The other man had stopped and was standing stock still, staring at something that Tulio couldn't see from behind him. Irritably, he moved to the side, stepping around his partner. Then he too stopped in his tracks. 

Chel... 

She was sitting there on the pillows behind a small wooden table, staring up at Miguel in a combination of wonder and disbelief. As she noticed Tulio moving to his side, she seemed to snap out of it. 

"Tulio! Miguel!" she cried in astonishment, leaping to her feet. Without warning she flung herself at Tulio, wrapping her arms around his neck and giving him a deep kiss. 

No, thought Tulio, please, not in front of Miguel. Our relationship is fragile enough as it is. 

When he didn't kiss her back, Chel backed off, looking slightly surprised and a little hurt. But she covered it quickly. "So, what brings you two here?" 

"Nothing," Miguel said darkly, turning back towards the exit. "We were just leaving." 

Surprisingly enough, it was Chel who darted forward and caught his arm. "Please, don't. I... I've been wanting to talk to you both for a while. Especially you Miguel." 

Miguel turned to her, stunned. "Me? What on earth can you have to say to me?" 

"That will come later," she said with a wink. "For now, why don't you two sit down. Let me put out my sign..." she quickly moved to the front of the tent and placed a small wooden sign outside the door. Tulio caught some of the lettering as she picked it up and found that it was some kind of message that she was away. "Now," Chel continued, sitting in the place where she had been when they arrived, "back to my original question; what brings you two here? I take it you didn't know that it was me." 

"No idea," Tulio said, sitting down on the cushions. Miguel followed his lead. 

"We came for a story," Miguel said, still sounding slightly dubious, "but I can guess which one you've been telling people." 

"Are you kidding?" Chel laughed and flipped her hair over her shoulder. "You two are a hit! I don't use any of our real names of course, but everyone loves the story of how the two Spaniards saved El Dorado. That's my main piece." 

Tulio smiled. Even Miguel seemed to relax in the presence of Chel's bubbly manner. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. 

  


  


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Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author. 


	7. Chapter 6 Common Misconceptions

Finding Him   
Chapter 6 - Common Misconceptions 

  


  


They learned through the course of their discussions that Chel was currently living out of the tent. It was larger than it first appeared, and a flap which they had earlier assumed to be the back of the tent pulled back to reveal another room as big again as the one they were in that was outfitted as a living chamber. She offered them to stay the night if they wished, and they were all too happy to accept. 

Well, Tulio was all too happy. 

Miguel wondered if it was fate that he would spend part of every night sitting up angsting. Certainly there were worse ways of spending one's time. The view of the stars from just outside the tent was gorgeous, and worth appreciating even if he hadn't been escaping. 

He sighed and buried his face in his arms. He was sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest, trying to sort out why this hurt him so much. It was, after all, nothing new. 

You knew that he was in love with her you idiot, he berated himself. You knew it all along. It was why you ran away in the first place, remember? They were the perfect couple, why should a little distance change that? What a fool. Did you actually believe that he might have changed? That you had a chance of any kind? 

"I'm so stupid," he said to himself, his voice greatly muffled by his arms. 

"No you're not," came a soft voice from behind him. Startled, he turned to find Chel coming to sit next to him. She giggled quietly at the expression he knew he was wearing. "I was serious when I said I wanted to talk to you you know," she told him. 

"And I was serious when I asked what on earth you could possibly have to say to me," he retorted bitterly. 

"You have every right to be angry at me," she said when she sat down. "I know why you left. I heard you talking to Altivo that night on the ship." 

Miguel looked at the ground. "Then you'll forgive me if I'm angry with you." 

"I never held it against you. You know, I thought the same thing you did." 

Startled again and not quite understanding, Miguel looked over at her. "What do you mean?" 

"You left because you thought that it would be easier for me and Tulio to be together without you around. I thought that it would too, at first." She laughed softly. "I was jealous of you, you know. Of the bond you had with him. I always knew that we'd never really have it. But I thought that once you left, Tulio and I would live together happily after he got over you. But I realized quickly that that could never happen." She stopped and turned to look at him seriously. "Do you know why I left him?" 

Miguel shook his head, unable to form words. 

"Because he didn't love me. Oh, he thought he did. If he really had I would have stayed, because nothing can repair the damage done when someone you really love leaves you. But he didn't. I know because that damage, the irreparable rending of the soul, had already occurred. When you left. He was in love with you. Still is. Did you notice how normal he seemed? How it was as if nothing had ever happened except for a slight sadness in his eyes? You gave that back to him. He was such a mess before, barely remembering to eat. And you came back and the only thing that keeps him sad is the thought that he chased both of us away. That guilt is the only thing plaguing him now that you're back." 

Miguel said nothing for a long time. He wasn't sure whether he really trusted this girl. But... if she wanted to take Tulio away from him, then she wouldn't be telling him these things, would she? Was there any reason for her to say this, other than the truth? "I... I don't see how that's possible," he said eventually. "Tulio can't be in love with me. He... he would know, wouldn't he? And he was in love with you." 

"He confuses the bond that he has for you. It's natural of course. You men usually don't see things that are right in front of your eyes, and Tulio is especially bad. He thinks that this bond of partnership that you two share means more than it really does, and he uses that to explain away his feelings. But he does love you, honestly." 

"Maybe he does," Miguel conceded, "but not in the way that I want. Not the way that he lo- ... that he thought he loved you. He feels a bond to me. Sure. Of course, we've always shared that bond. But he's not attracted to me. He never has been, and he never will be." 

Chel cocked her head at him and grinned with some indecipherable emotion. "I think it just hasn't occurred to him. Give him time. And never allow him to take you for granted. You've seen what kind of disasters that makes for." 

Miguel closed his eyes, slightly smiling. He didn't really believe what she said, but it was a nice thought. She was sweeter than he gave her credit for. And though he hesitated to admit it, she may have just given him hope back. 

"Thank you," he said quietly, without opening his eyes. "I needed that." 

"You're welcome," she replied. He heard her get up and re-enter the tent. 

He stayed out a little longer, gazing at the stars. For some reason they seemed just a bit brighter than usual. 

  


  


- Previous Chapter I Next Chapter -

  


  
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author. 


	8. Chapter 7 Forced Unveiling

Finding Him   
Chapter 7 - Forced Unveiling 

  


  


"What could you possibly have to say to me that you couldn't say in front of Miguel?" Tulio asked peevishly the next day as Chel pushed him into the back section of the tent. She had been behaving rather oddly all morning, and casting the oddest glances at Miguel when she thought that neither of the boys were watching. 

Could she be jealous of him? thought Tulio. It seemed strange, but not entirely unrealistic. Certainly it would explain a number of things. Including why she had requested this solo chat with him. 

"There's something really important I have to ask you," said Chel, pushing him down onto a cushion. "I think you're really making a mistake, letting the one person who is perfect for you get away. Now I want you to sit here, and close your eyes, and let me kiss you. Don't think of anything that we had or didn't have together, don't let any thought to past or future influence you. Just let me kiss you, kiss back, and see if you feel anything. Maybe you'll finally realize what was meant to be all along." 

Tulio frowned. "Chel, that's silly. I don't think that one kiss could change my mind. You know you're welcome to come journeying again with me and Miguel, but you hardly need to go to such elaborate-" 

"Just humor me," Chel interrupted. "I want to try this. I really do think that it might be more revealing than you give it credit for." 

Tulio rolled his eyes, but sighed and nodded. "Oh, alright. You can go through with this. But I don't see how it will make a difference." 

He closed his eyes, and in a moment felt lips brush across his. Feather-soft and tentative at first, as though not sure that it was actually being allowed. And then suddenly they became fierce, seeking, deeping the kiss. As though desperate to make sure that he felt something, _anything_. As though this kiss was one last chance at survival. 

When finally they broke apart, Tulio tilted his head down, eyes still closed, and smiled softly to himself. 

"You're right," he said, "I did feel something. You know, I wasn't sure that this would work, but it really did. I think maybe you and I were destined to be together after all, not because of any past we shared, but because of what looks like a rather bright future. 

"Miguel." 

He opened his eyes and was rewarded with the sight of an immensely startled Miguel kneeling in front of him. He grinned as the blond sputtered and tried to come up with something to stay. 

"You _knew_?" Miguel hissed. 

"Of course I knew," said Tulio, justifiably smug. "There's a reason I'm the brains of this outfit you know. I can recognize a scam from a mile away. And Chel at least is nowhere near as good at this as she thinks she is. Not good enough to fool a professional, anyway." 

"But... why?" asked Miguel quietly. 

Tulio softened a little. Miguel seemed so scared, so unsure of what Tulio was going to say. Not at all like his usual self. 

"I meant what I said you know," he said, "about us being together. I know it's what you want and I... well, I want to try it, at least. I was a total mess without you, you know. And... if what I feel for you isn't love, then I've never felt anything closer to it." 

Miguel looked poleaxed, but there was also an insane hope in his eyes. "Do you really mean that?" he asked. 

Tulio nodded. Then, to prove his point, he leaned forward and kissed Miguel once again, pouring as much sentiment and love as he could into it. Miguel responded in kind and they were quickly on the floor exchange heady kisses and general ravishing. 

Chel smirked at them from the doorway. "My work here is done," she said softly to herself, before closing the flap and returning to the main section of the tent. 

  


  


- Previous Chapter I Epilogue -

  


  
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author. 


	9. Epilogue All's Well that Ends Well

Finding Him   
Epilogue - All's Well That Ends Well 

  


  


Miguel shifted his body wearily, caught in the half-land between waking and sleeping. He frowned, feeling wakefulness creeping up on him. He didn't want to wake up. He was having a wonderful dream. He could already feel it slipping away from him, and he struggled to catch on to any part of it that might help him remember. He knew it was about Tulio - most of them were, nowadays. 

He sighed as the last snatch of it slithered away from him, irrevocably lost. Readying himself to face another day, he opened his eyes. 

And had to put a hand to his mouth to keep himself from crying out in relief. 

Tulio was there, lying next to him. That in itself wasn't horribly unusual, but this time it was different. This time Tulio had his arm slung casually but possessively around Miguel's waist. And they were both quite nude. 

Miguel smiled, closing his eyes again. He felt as though he might cry. It wasn't a dream after all. Tulio had said that he could be with him. Not a dream. A miracle, perhaps, but not a dream. 

Miguel contemplated continuing to lie there with Tulio on the cushions of Chel's back room, but regretfully decided against it. By the look of the light through the tent, it was already well into the daytime. And besides that, Miguel noticed with a blush, they were both rather... sticky. 

Finding a blanket, Miguel wrapped it about himself toga-style and made his way into the front of the tent. 

Chel was sitting there, awake and fortunately sans customers. She grinned at him as he entered and motioned for him to sit next to her. With a moment's hesitation, he did so, blushing again as she raised an eyebrow at his current state. 

"So..." she said eventually. "You two were pretty loud last night. I take it things worked out?" 

Miguel smiled, managing not to blush, feeling more like himself than he had in weeks. He even managed to summon a cocky, the-hell-with-everything grin. "Yes. Quite." He paused, suddenly unsure of himself and looked at her carefully. "You're not... mad, are you?" 

Chel rolled her eyes. "Oh please. Think for a second Miguel. If I didn't want you to be with Tulio, then why would I have set you two up?" 

Miguel thought about this. It was quite logical. He nodded. "Well, I guess you have a point there. Does that mean that we have your blessing?" 

Chel grinned. "Without question." 

Before she could say more, the back flap opened again and Tulio stepped in to join them, very much sans clothing. He moved over to Miguel and kissed his neck leisurely, breathing in his scent. "Morning," he mumbled. He flopped down next to them, grinning at Miguel and eyeing his blanket. "That's a good look for you." 

Chel turned her raised eyebrow to Tulio now, giving him an unblushing once-over. "Which is more than I can say for you. Where's your decency? There are women in the room you know." 

"I know that, but I figured Miguel's not that squeamish," Tulio quipped. 

Miguel reached over and hit Tulio in the head with a pillow. Chel giggled at their antics, and was promptly hit in the face with a pillow from each of them. 

After the short but rowdy pillow fight that followed, the three of them sat panting amidst the turquoise and gold pillows, laughing and grinning like idiots. 

"Come on," said Chel once she had her breath back. "We're all sweaty now, and I know just the place we can go to clean off. Besides," she smiled knowingly at them, "I imagine you two could have used a shower even before our impromptu little battle." 

"Well," said Miguel nonchalantly, "I did wake up rather sticky this morning." 

Now it was Tulio's turn to look embarrassed. But he recovered admirably. "Yes, well. Hm. Let's go get clean then, shall we?" 

"Follow me," said Chel, stepping through the front of the tent. 

The two men got up to follow her, Tulio snagging a blanket to cover himself on the way out. Just before they exited the tent, Tulio gave Miguel another quick kiss. 

"I love you," he whispered. 

"I know." Miguel smiled. "I love you too." 

Together, they walked out of the tent. 

  


  


- Prologue -

  


  
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author. 


End file.
